I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
