I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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