if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
