matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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