Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
