i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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