If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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