I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
