My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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