Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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