I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
