i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
