haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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