I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
