Yo dont text me then not text me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
