Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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