Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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