In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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