and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
