Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
