I can text with my tongue
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
