the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
