everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
