you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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