She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
