this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
