that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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