I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
