what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
