Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
