i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
