john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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