you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
