I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
