I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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