waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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