toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
