Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
