i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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