She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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