I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We are all done wearing pants today
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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