and you said cock pushups were impossible
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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