So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
