OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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