So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
