i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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