i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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