:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
