Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Im part way to drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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