You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
